With no where to be, nor people to see,
I’m spending far too much time scrolling Airbnb.
From thoughtful tiny homes to ones with sprawling lawns,
I’m making lists of places I’d want to be when a new day dawns.
Now there are some absolute beauties, meticulously styled,
And others that make your jaw drop, the imagination gone wild.
While I’m thumbing through the listings, both from nearby and far,
There are a few rules I stick to, to know which ones to star.
But the one I always get stuck on is simple, but so often overlooked.
And it’s one that makes all the difference, whether or not it gets booked.
They say the kitchen is the heart of the home, and maybe that’s true,
But I start with something else, not free wifi or complimentary shampoo.
It’s the doona, the duvet, the sheets on the bed,
Does it make me want to jump in? Is it somewhere I want to rest my head?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not that much of a snob or pitifully highbrow,
But some of the beds you see can only be described as, well…foul.
What’s wrong with something plain? Linen always does the trick.
And no, rolling old towels at the end of a poo-coloured doona does not fix it.
Then there are the ones that look like their previous life was in a motel.
I don’t care what the rest of the place is like, it’s now an impossible sell.
There are some other things I look for too, I’m not that short-sighted,
Ones that come with hairdryers (or even a straighter!) also get me excited.
Ones that used to be churches, or some unique building now retired,
But let me know if you ever find one that can detect carbon monoxide.
So I’m writing this open letter to any one who owns an Airbnb,
To help them help me find a place to which I want to flee.
In the meantime if you need help, fodder to lead your dreams astray,
I’ve made this list of the places I want to be my next getaway.
If you managed to get past these photos, well done, but please be warned, these are all real photos from Airbnb listings. Yeah.